Nice Guy Syndrome
Being a nice person is not wrong, being nice is all about being kind , considerate and generous to others. But you don’t have to pretend alot of things which you are not/ you cannot be/ you dont have to be. When you are a good person, when you are a giver, you give without much expectations atleast thats what I have learned but you cannot always be the giver and you dont always have to be likeable to everyone.
Nice guy syndrome is a pattern of behaviour where you add the word “over” before the word nice. Hence, you become the giver here even when you dont want to but you do definitely expect something in return from people and that can even be a validation from people around you saying that you are nice. Nice guy syndrome mostly stems from a fear of being not accepted and liked by the people around you. The people who possess this, tend to be someone with weak boundaries, a people pleaser,a person with low self esteem, they can also have trouble saying no other people even when they really want to. There is a difference between acting and being. There are some common behaviour shown by such people:
- Give first priority to others needs with an expection of affection/ consideration back.
- They are givers but to have a good image infront of others.
- Believing being nice entitles romantic/sexual/career wise / other favours.
- Considering the need of the people you like more than the needs of the actual person in need ( acting by favoritisms)
- People pleasing might also entitled to getting your own way by lying or with half truths.
- They have a drive than something natural, which comes within them. A drive to success/ winning.
Reasons why people tend to be people pleasers / overly nice guys:
- To feel needed by others.
- To feel considered / included by others.
- The feeling of not good enough, makes you try harder than necessary.
- The fear of losing/ failure/rejection/ abandonment/ loneliness.
- Fear of being criticised.
- Fear of being disliked.
The root cause of nice guy syndrome is low selfconfidence/ self esteem/ Self worth. It makes you want to put in that extra effort which nobody is expecting from you. A lack of social skills or a feeling of not good enough, is like a ticking timebomb, it makes you want to somehow fit in and finally when you are not able to get a result you really desire then you just flip out. You question everybody you gave, the question still remains “why?”. Why didnt you consider me for that even after me being so good to you? Or so sincere to you? Most people who are left with no answers to this why, end up not having a closure to the situation and that again doesnt help them from moving on in their life. We need to have a set of rules to not fall into the wounded nice guy:
- Pause, Reflect and Learn from your past decisions and outcomes.
- Be aware of yourself and the people around you.
- Don’t be in denial, if something doesnt workout accept that and move on with your life. Acceptance is the key.
- Know about your selfworth, don’t lower your standards to please anybody. Earn your space in your own heart first by treating yourself good.
- Analyse the motivation behind your behaviour, recognize what you do wrong and challenge yourself to be better.
- Give first priority to yourself and what you need. Because selflove opens up your heart to any other love in your life.
- Keep boundaries for yourself and respect others boundaries.
- Be open to feedbacks, but dont spiral down to negativity listening to what might not be unpleasant to you.
- Moreover, understand everyone has their own lives and priorites, so nobody is going to be taking you as a project and monitor you all the time. The one person who gets to spent all the time with you is you , yourself. So don’t think any less of yourself!
